Coaching Questions & Answers
What are the things that we can do to better support the marriage coaching process?- How does it work for our first couple if we find them and refer them to MarriageTeam?
- What can we do to encourage a couple to try coaching?
- We have questions on our couple’s inventory. What can we do?
- How long should the “normal” coaching engagement last?
- What if we discover some issues that are beyond our ability to help?
- What do we do about a couple who is not making progress?
1. What are the things that we can do to better support the marriage coaching process?
Your willingness to be a coach couple is the most important thing you can do to support marriage coaching. We recognize that life happens and there will be times when you will not be able to accept a couple because of family or personal reasons. If you let us know in advance, we can put you on the Sabbatical List and will not call you for the time period you request. Generally Sabbaticals are less than 9 months. Because life circumstances change you may not want or be able to continue coaching and we can put you on the Inactive List.
The second most important thing you can do is to respond in a timely manner to calls or emails from the office so that we can expeditiously place couples. While we love to hear coaches accept couples, we also appreciate a timely response even when it is negative.
2. How does it work for our first couple if we find them and refer them to MarriageTeam?
If you find and refer your first couple for coaching, the fee for that couple is waived. The reason is to encourage everyone to coach a couple as soon as possible after coach training. If MarriageTeam calls you with a couple, the normal fees apply. If you refer a couple for another new coach couple who hasn’t coached anyone, the fee will be waived for that couple as well.
3. What can we do to encourage a couple to try coaching?
This can be difficult. Start by sharing your experience with your training and the impact it had on your marriage. You can share testimonies and refer the couple to the website, which has a lot of valuable information. You can also suggest they call the office and talk with a staff member who will answer their questions. Recognize that coaching has to be a couple’s decision and that sometimes it just takes time to build the trust or address the concerns so a couple feels safe in starting coaching.
4. We have questions on our couple’s inventory. What can we do?
Call the office if you have any questions about the inventory or the coaching process. The training covers a lot of material and a review of the notes on the inventory and the upcoming session in the Coaching Marriage Teams (blue book) can often address the questions. However, do not waste a lot of time looking for an answer when a simple phone call work.
5. How long should the “normal” coaching engagement last?
The normally coaching process should take 8 to 12 meetings. It is normal to miss 1-3 meeting dues to vacations, holidays, sickness, etc; however, if your couple is simply forgetting or making weak excuses, this is an indication they do not value the coaching process. Also if you have reached the 4th, 5th or 6th meeting and are seeing no progress and/or continually broken agreements, it is an indication that coaching is not being effective and could turn into a much longer engagement.
In either case, if the underlying issues are not addressed it is highly unlikely that coaching will be effective. If you are in either of these situations, review the section in the Coaching Marriage Teams (blue book) about Lack of Progress and have a conversation with the couple to address the issues. Feel free to give the office a call and we can walk you through this. While this is a difficult coaching situation, it is also an opportunity to clarify the relationship and recognize that coaching may not be right for this couple.
6. What if we discover some issues that are beyond our ability to help?
Give the office a call and we can discuss the specific situation and explore options. Our goal is always what is best for the couple and a referral is a viable option.
7. What do we do about a couple who is not making progress?
Progress is often not linear and a couple may struggle for the first several meetings where you are still on Session 1 or 2. It is also common to have a realy good meeting and then next week fall back into old patterns. Coaching requires a good deal of patience and pray and focusing on the basics of I Statements and Active Listening. As coaches you are often the referee who have to blow the whistle and insure that each person is performing their role (speaking or listening) and not allow the couple to talk over each other. If the conversation is like watching a ping pong match of he says, she says, he says . . . the process has broken down.
This is where it is important for coaches to slow down the process and be sure couples are developing specific agreements for change. If they are making specific agreements and not following through on a consistent basis, then refer to #5 above and give the office a call.
