Frequently Asked Questions

Pastors’ Round Table Discussion

MarriageTeam conducted a Pastor’s Round Table Discussion on February 3, 2011 with 16 participating pastors and the issues and concerns raised at that session are summarized in this Detailed Table of Issues and Concerns.

1. What resources do you use to work with couples?

MarriageTeam uses PREPARE/ENRICH Inventory as resource to supplement the coaching process. The inventory has been revised to include a personality profile that is very helpful.

2. What makes coaching more effective than mentoring?

Change comes when new knowledge is applied. A recent study showed that training increased performance 28% improvement, but coaching increased performance 88%. It is the follow-up reinforcement and the amount of attention to a particular mental experience over a specific time that creates new brain circuitry thus becoming an intrinsic part of an individual’s identity (The Neuroscience of Leadership by David Rock and Jeffery Schwartz, Strategy and Business, June 2006).

3. Does coaching use a biblical perspective?

Yes, all coach couples are Christian couples and the materials are biblically based and scriptural references are available in the materials. While the coaching is biblically based, it is not a Bible study. Coaches work with couples to help them gain new skills, insight and understanding and then apply the new skills and understanding to get different results. Coaches help the couple create mutual accountability for implementing the desired changes. Coaching is all about changing behaviors to create the results the couple wants.

4. What makes coaching different from a Bible Study or pastoral counseling?

Coaches are trained to use the coaching process to help couples discover what will work specifically for them through enhanced communications. Coaches also help the couple create agreements around specific behavior changes and learn how to help each other when one of them forgets to use the new behaviors. The process creates accountability for change and achieving common objectives.

5. What are the advantages of coaching?

The best way to summarize this is in the words of a MarriageTeam coach. “I wish MarriageTeam were in existence when I was a practicing licensed marriage and family counselor. Now that I’ve been trained as a Marriage Coach and we’ve had an experience coaching another couple it is very clear to me how effective coaching can be in a couple’s life vs. traditional marriage counseling. There are several factors that contribute to this effectiveness:

MarriageTeam coaching is always a couple with a couple and not done individually. Typically, in counseling the couple is meeting with one person.
The couple invests some time and money in the Prepare/Enrich Inventory. This in itself is an important step.
The couple signs a commitment with Marriage Team and their coaches to attend sessions, do their homework and meet regularly.
Coaching occurs in a home setting vs. a clinical setting therefore it is less threatening and more relaxing.
There is no charge for the on-going sessions with the coaches so that relieves pressure for many marriages struggling with financial issues and encourages the couple to complete the coaching to get their money’s worth.
The coaches are free to spend more time with the couple in each session (vs. a typical 50-minute counseling session).
In counseling, a couple typically comes with the medical model mentality of receiving “a prescription.” In reality, that is not how an effective counselor operates but it is common among clients seeking counseling. In coaching, there is an understanding that it truly is coaching and not prescribing.
The follow up is more natural and mutual because it is not considered an entirely professional relationship.”

Bonnie L. Sloat, MS in Counseling Psychology, National Certified Counselor, Former Instructor of Christian Marriage at Taylor University, Upland, IN

6. How will I find qualified couples to be coaches?

We have found that there are couples in virtually every congregation that would love to help struggling couples if they just knew how. We suggest a two-pronged approach. First, ask couple you believe would be good coaches if they would attend training to learn more and tell you what they think. Second, open it up to the congregation and take volunteers. MarriageTeam will help with the screening via the ENRICH Inventory. Couples who complete the training not only are qualified to coach another couple, they feel qualified to coach another couple.

7. What if the coaches make it worse?

It is virtually impossible for coaches to make it worse. Coaches do not give advice. Coaches pray for the couple and voluntarily meet with them once a week to go over materials designed to create enhanced awareness and then apply the awareness to get different results. How can this possibly make it worse for a couple that was already headed toward a divorce?

8. What are the liability issues?

Coaches are acting as volunteers and are generally covered under “Good Samaritan” laws. Furthermore, MarriageTeam has disclosures and all couples in coaching sign an agreement recognizing that they are solely responsible for the decisions they make and that coaches do not provide any legal advice and are not licensed counselors or therapists.

9. How do coach couples get support when they run into a problem?

Their first source of help is MarriageTeam. We are quick to identify situations that require professional help and make the appropriate referrals. In most cases, the coaches just need to talk through the situation and brainstorm some alternative approaches for handling it. If you as the pastor have made the referral, they can always come to you for your advice and guidance.

10. What will it do to the couple who is trying to help but can’t?

We have found that coach couples are pretty resilient. They are taught in training that the coaches cannot care more about the couple’s marriage than they do. It is no different than any other helping profession.

11. How do I know that MarriageTeam is capable of strengthening and saving marriages?

There are several ways to check us out.

Contact the pastors who are identified in our partner churches and ask them what they have found in dealing with MarriageTeam.
Send a couple to training to check us out
Read the testimonials from couples, coaches, and pastors
Look at our record.

Couples who complete coaching rate their experience an average 9.1
Distressed couples who complete coaching report an average improvement in their relationship of 180%

12. How will MarriageTeam work with me?

MarriageTeam views pastors as partners in strengthening and saving marriages. If you make a referral to MarriageTeam, we will do the intake, administer the inventory, make the placement with a coach couple, and do all the follow-up. If you would like to place the couple with a specific coach couple, we will make that happen or get back with you and explore options. Upon request, we will update you on progress. We go out of our way to provide value and service to you and your church team.