Questions & Answers
What if I want marriage coaching but my spouse is unwilling to come- When is it too late (or too early) for marriage coaching?
- Do I have to worry about being wrong or the problem in the marriage?
- My spouse thinks I’m the one with the problem, but I see it the other way around. Is it even worth us coming?
- There are things I don’t want my spouse to know just yet. Will you keep it confidential, or will you tell him/her?
- My spouse is controlling and can be dominating in conversation; I’m concerned that you won’t get to hear my side of things. How can I be sure you’ll hear my side?
- How do I know if I need marriage coaching?
- Can marriage coaching really save my marriage?
- Will marriage coaching work for me?
- Is it an expensive proposition?
- I feel uneasy sharing my marital problems. How can I go to coaches?
- Can I go to marriage coaches before I get married?
- I have a pretty good marriage, why should I have a marriage coach?
- What makes coaching effective?
- How do I get a coach couple?
1. What if I want marriage coaching but my spouse is unwilling to come?
Ask your spouse to call our office. We coach only with couples; however, we can refer you to an individual counselor if you would like. However, even if he/she refuses to come, you can still change the dynamics of your relationship simply by making changes in the way you respond and react to your spouse. Thus, you will bring about changes in the relationship by addressing your own issues and making personal progress.
2. When is it too late (or too early) for marriage coaching?
Ideally, it would be great if every couple went through coaching to maintain the quality of their relationship. A marriage is like a car; it requires regular maintenance and attention to keep it running effectively. If it is not routinely maintained, the marital breakdowns will sneak up and spoil the journey of you marriage. It is best to come in even when things seem to be going well, in order to polish up your communication skills, work through unresolved issues, understand each other better, etc.
However, many people come into coaching just prior to divorce, when their car has broken down and has little life left. Although coming in earlier is better, coaches can still make a difference if you are willing to do the hard work. Marriage coaching is not miraculous although we have seen some miraculous results. Coaches will help your team figure out what will work best for you.
3. Do I have to worry about being wrong or the problem in the marriage?
Marriage coaching is not about who is right or wrong. We all grow up on different teams and learn the plays that work on our team. Unfortunately some teams are more functional than others. Nevertheless, we get married and bring our old playbook with us and do not effectively share it with our new teammate. Marriage coaches help your team create a common playbook that you need for a winning marriage. Coaches are on the “side” of the marriage relationship.
4. My spouse thinks I’m the one with the problem, but I see it the other way around. Is it even worth us coming?
Yes, it is worth it. Marriage coaching creates the common playbook so you can work together as a team.
5. There are things I don’t want my spouse to know just yet. Will you keep it confidential, or will you tell him/her?
MarriageTeam coaches work with couples as couples. If you want an issue addressed, it has to be addressed in the coaching session. If you need to address issues individually, then an individual counselor or coach is more appropriate.
6. My spouse is controlling and can be dominating in conversation; I’m concerned that you won’t get to hear my side of things. How can I be sure you’ll hear my side?
It is not uncommon for one spouse to be more verbal or spend more time talking in a session. It is the coaches’ responsibility to make sure that you each hear and understand each other. The important point is that each of you hear and understand each other to develop solutions that will work for both of you. Coaches will interrupt you both from time to time, in order to make sure both of you are listening and understanding each other.
7. How do I know if I need marriage coaching?
If you are both happy with the quality of your marriage, you do not need marriage coaching. If you would like to improve the quality of your marriage, coaching can help.
8. Can marriage coaching really save my marriage?
It is entirely up to you. Marriage coaching is a form of help that has saved other couple’s marriages. You and your teammate will be given tools that will improve the quality of your marriage, if you use them. Coaches will help you create the understandings and accountability you need to be successful, but you will need to apply the tools.
9. Will marriage coaching work for me?
Marriage coaching is not for everyone. It works well for couples who want to and are capable of changing. Bad patterns of communication are hard to change, but when teammates make good faith efforts to live up to their agreements, we see remarkable changes.
10. Is it an expensive proposition?
MarriageTeam coaching is extremely affordable. It costs $ 160 for 8 to 12, 2+ hour sessions or less than $10 per hour. Furthermore, the there is a money back guarantee that says, if you believe you did not get your money’s worth from your coaching experience and put it in writing, we will refund your money.
11. I feel uneasy sharing my marital problems. How can I go to coaches?
Coaching is confidential as explained by your coaches and they only address what you bring up. Couples who do well in coaching are open and honest. Coaches cannot help you create solutions to issues that are not discussed.
12. Can I go to marriage coaches before I get married?
Yes, indeed. It can be a great way to make sure you and your partner are prepared to take the marital plunge. Studies have shown that 8 hours of pre-marital coaching can reduce the divorce rate at the three-year point by 50%.
13. I have a pretty good marriage, why should I have a marriage coach?
Would you like to have an even better marriage? On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your marriage now? What would it be like if it went up one point?
14. What makes coaching effective?
Change comes when new knowledge is applied. A recent study showed that training increased performance 28% improvement, but coaching increased performance 88%. It is the follow-up reinforcement and the amount of attention to a particular mental experience over a specific time that creates new brain circuitry thus becoming an intrinsic part of an individual’s identity (The Neuroscience of Leadership by David Rock and Jeffery Schwartz, Strategy and Business, June 2006).
15. How do I get a coach couple?
Contact the MarriageTeam office or simply go on-line to apply for a coach couple. Coaching is also available through Skype.
