Why Coaching?

Why coachcoach (pronunciation: kOch)

noun: a. In sports, a person who trains or directs athletes or teams. b. A person who gives instruction. c. A private tutor.
verb: a. To train or tutor or to act as a trainer or tutor.

Coaching:  What It Is

Marriage coaching involves teaching skills and  helping another couple work out their unique relationship to achieve the results that they desire from their marriage. Coaches do not give advice but facilitate a process of discovery so the couple can figure out what will work with them.  It focuses on understanding the issues through good communication, exploring options, eliminating barriers, moving to action, and creating accountability for results.  Many studies have proven the value of an experienced coach 1 .  Before our society became so mobile, families often lived close enough where wives and husbands could seek coaching from respected senior family members.

Today there are numerous approaches that couples try to improve their marriage.  Counseling, therapy, and coaching are different approaches and each has its strengths and weakensses.  Mentoring is similar to coaching but different in significant ways.  A coach does everything a mentor does except a coach does not give advice.  What makes a coaching different is the use of the coaching process to help couples change behaviors and achieve better results.   So with all these approaches to strengthening and saving marriages, why are there so many failed marriages? 

We believe the answer is straightforward. We receive little training in interpersonal communications and many of the examples that we grew up around were not healthy. Consequently, we never learned effective methods of communication. When ineffective communication skills are coupled with unhealthy ideas about marriage roles and responsibilities and unexpressed expectations, it should not be surprising that marriages are experiencing difficulty.

Why Coaching Works

Changing our thinking and behavior is difficult and long-term change is unlikely to occur from a single conversation, weekend retreat, or bible study. Couple coaching as presented by MarriageTeam provides several features that promote long-term change and growth:

  1. Learning improved interpersonal communication and problem solving skills that are practiced for several weeks and incorporated into daily use
  2. Mutual accountability for positive change the way each teammate needs to hear it
  3. Supportive environment for effective communication and exploring issues
  4. Exercises to explore “hidden” issues with practical approaches for resolution
  5. New insight into many of the issues causing stress in the marriage
  6. Different paradigms for looking at the marriage relationship
  7. Accountability with the coach couple and each other for implementing agreements

We have seen dozens of coach couples come along side other couples with skill building materials to strengthen and save marriages. This provides an excellent outreach opportunity to the community where couples can come and improve their relationship.

(1) The Neuroscience of Leadership by David Rock and Jeffery Schwartz, Strategy and Business, June 2006.