Couples’ Frequently Asked Questions

How is counseling different than coaching?

Counseling often looks at the past to help you better understand the present.  Counselors are trained to diagnose and tend to look at relationships from more of a medical model where they diagnose and prescribe (give advice).  At MarriageTeam we refer addictions, abuse, mental health issues, and depression to counselors who are trained to deal with these uncoachable issues.

Marriage coaching focuses specifically on helping a couple better understand one another and move to creating agreements about what they will do differently to get different results.  Coaching addresses listening to understand, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, resolving conflict, solving problems, dealing with differences, intimacy and moving forward.  Coaching takes you from where you are to where you want to be.  Coaches do not give advice; they do help you determine what will work for you.

What if I want marriage coaching but my spouse is unwilling to participate?

You can click here to learn about responses to some common objections to share with them.   You can also ask your spouse to call our office. All coaching is designed for couples only; we do not offer individual coaching. However, even if he/she refuses to come, you can still change the dynamics of your relationship simply by making changes in the way you respond and react to them.   Thus, you will bring about changes in the relationship by addressing your own issues and making personal progress. We can refer you for individual counseling if you would like to work on how you respond in your marriage.

What do other couples say about their coaching experience?

We had been in constant misery and anger and were considering divorce. I was worried at first about talking to strangers, but it was easier than I thought. I feel like the tools given to us were great! We have been able to discuss things I never thought I would be able to discuss with my husband. Our marriage has improved so much, we have decided NOT to divorce.
Courtney, Wilsonville, OR  

I was nervous about sharing intimate details of our marriage with two people that weren’t licensed counselors. However, this was quickly overcome with the flow of the program and the great benefits learned. Our relationship had been volatile and tenuous. We had a lot of band-aid fixes to our marriage problems but the wounds would often be reopened and we didn’t know how to fix them. It felt so good to walk out of each session with tools that could be immediately implemented. We walked away from the first session with the most hope we’ve ever had for a successful marriage. We now have strong and effective communication tools and finally a method to diffuse anger in our marriage. We have hope for a wonderful marriage!
Chris, Wilsonville,  

Coaching exceeded our expectations! We’ve been to counselors before but haven’t had lasting results. With MarriageTeam, our coaches were able to give us the tools for now and the future. They were able to tailor our sessions to our needs. They used personal examples and expanded on areas where we needed the most help!
Linda, Eugene, OR   

We had amazing coaches that were very easy to talk to and put things in perspective. Coaching was fun and non-judgmental. We are now better at listening and problem solving. We have less fighting over little things.
Ross, Ridgefield, WA 

The coaches were great at giving feedback to help my spouse see some things to help him communicate better with me. I really appreciated them being good listeners. They allowed us to openly communicate our issues and concerns within our marriage in a safe and non-biased environment. I appreciated the trust and platform they gave us. I felt broken and not very positive initially. But the coaching has helped us understand each other’s differences and similarities. My husband listens to me and doesn’t react negatively to comments or questions. I don’t feel as uptight and fragile in my relationship. He’s assured me that he doesn’t want to divorce.
Jane, Portland, OR  

Coaching was amazing. It was different than counseling in that it feels like you are making friends with another couple and they are simply coaching you through things they themselves have been through. Very comfortable. Our relationship was already pretty solid.  We were engaged at the time and got married within two weeks of our final coaching session. We had talked about a lot of aspects of our future and what we wanted our life together to look like and consist of. However, we had concerns as well. Each of us had previously been married and my husband was bringing two children into our relationship. I also have a chronic illness. These are some huge stress factors. This is why we thought MarriageTeam would be a good place to build our firm foundation as we planned for our coming battles. We have improved our communication. We were also able to have some dynamic plays in place for the days that are coming where the stress becomes too much and my health, the kids, work, etc. is getting the best of us.
Lydia, Myrtle Creek, OR  

We were so blessed personally by the coaching we received. As potential coaches ourselves, their experiences, suggestions and insight were invaluable. We have a great marriage, but feel that it has been enriched as a result of coaching. We have been able to share our experiences with coaching with our grown married children and it has been really awesome.
Tiffany, Battle Ground, WA  

We had been fighting all the time and neither of us was being heard. I felt unwanted and unloved. Our coaches helped us understand where each of us was coming from and how to express our emotions and our feelings without attacking the other person.  They truly understood the dynamic of what a healthy God-centered relationship looks like, and helped show us that. My husband decided to be in the relationship 100%, and that shifted my perspective of our marriage, and how I knew he saw me.
Rebekah, Vancouver, WA  

What if I feel it is too late for marriage coaching?

Many couples come to coaching just prior to going to see a divorce lawyer and are amazed at the results. This is what one wife shared:

“This was the last straw. If coaching didn’t work, it would have been divorce. Before coaching, I was stressed out and burned out. Our marriage was unhealthy and dysfunctional. I often thought it would be better if we divorced. Coaching was truly an answer to prayer. I didn’t know what to expect, but it was salve on a deep wound. We now have hope. My husband is not my enemy. We are communicating better, respecting more, work as a team and are dating again. This program is rock solid. I can’t think of anything to make it better. Just get it out there for others to hear about.”

Do you really WANT a divorce or do you just want to be happy again?  What do you have to lose?  Call TODAY.

My husband/wife is concerned about being blamed for the problems in our marriage?

Marriage coaching is not about who is right or wrong.  Explain it this way: We all grow up on different teams and learn the plays (how we communicate, handle anger, resolve conflict, address hurts, our expectations, etc.) that work on our team.  We get married and create a new team.  Unfortunately, we bring our old playbook and do not share it effectively with our new teammate.  Marriage coaches help your team create a common playbook so you can create a healthy marriage.  Coaches are on the “side” of the marriage and the assumption is neither spouse is right or wrong, just different.

My husband/wife thinks I’m the one with the problem. Is it even worth it for us to get coaching?

Yes, it is worth it.  The problem is not that either one of you are the problem.  The problem is that you are different and it is the differences and inability to effectively address them that causes the problem.  Marriage coaching creates a common understanding of the issues you face together and a framework for resolving them.  It helps you work together more effectively as a team.

Can marriage coaching really save my marriage?

After almost 20 years, we have enjoyed seeing incredible miracles in marriage restoration.  Literally, marriages being raised from the dead.   You can rest assured that you and your teammate will be given tools that will improve the quality of your marriage.  Your coaches will help you create the understandings and accountability you need to use the tools and be successful.

Will marriage coaching work for me?

Marriage coaching works well for husbands and wives who want to and are capable of changing. Bad patterns of communication are hard to change, but when teammates make good faith efforts to live up to their agreements, we see remarkable changes. 

If your marriage has issues with addictions, on-going affairs, mental health issues, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or depression, coaching is likely not the best first step.  If you need to take care of other issues we will help you find the right resource.  Once these issues are being addressed by trained professionals, coaching can be very effective in helping a couple develop an improved marriage.

How much does coaching cost?

MarriageTeam coaching is extremely affordable.  Maybe considering what “it doesn’t cost” could be a better way to look at it.  Compared to counseling for instance, when you consider the value per hour of coaching, the savings becomes very clear.  It costs just $599 for over 24 hours of personalized coaching, or less than $20 each per hour!  Counseling is likely 8x-12x more costly.  

It sounds crazy, especially when you consider the inventory and workbooks are also included in this price.  We believe so strongly in what we provide you that if you feel you did not receive the value you expected during your coaching experience, we will refund everything other than our costs for workbooks and the online inventory.

My spouse is a very private person and may have difficulty talking about our issues.

Coaching is confidential and coaches only address what you bring up.  The couples who see the best results are those who are open and honest.  Coaches cannot help you create solutions to issues that are not discussed.