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I had only three options as I stood aghast as I heard my friend calmly telling me that she and her husband were thinking about divorce as one of their options. How could this be? We had known them for years. They were in our Sunday School class. Their kids were friends with our kids. We shared social events at least once a month. They had a nice house – good jobs. They had even taken a marriage class that Alan and I had taught a few months ago. Where was this coming from?
I was near panic and here she was explaining they had just grown apart, didn’t communicate, felt lonely, didn’t have that spark, argued without resolving their issues and decided it would be better for the kids if they divorced. I really tried to listen but my heart was pounding, tears were forming and I was trying to keep my emotions in check. How could I have been so oblivious to the state of their relationship?
What could I possible say to her? I only knew of three options: Have you talked to the pastor? Have you seen a counselor? I’ll pray for you. I wasn’t even confident that any of these would actually help. I knew plenty of couples who went forward with divorce after trying these three things. What other help was available for these dear friends?
The Fourth Option
Unfortunately, this marriage, as well as several others disintegrated before I had something to offer that I was confident could transform marriage relationships for a lifetime. Today, I am amazed at the testimonials we receive every week at MarriageTeam.org from couples in exactly the same situation as my friend.
“The MarriageTeam material covered every single topic in which I wanted my marriage to grow. We have fewer fights. Most of our fights are ending before they start, because we communicate in a way where we understand the other person and are able to diffuse a situation before emotions escalate. I also feel more loved, and my husband does not shut down anymore. My husband also has gained a lot of confidence and is much more open.” – Jane
“The coaching was excellent and helped my wife and I work through our difficulties with new communication skills. My wife had moved out more than a year and half before coaching and I was going to proceed with a divorce. We had a great lack of communication. Both of us were very hurt. Because we have changed the way we communicate and view each other, it’s like we are getting to know each other for the first time. We are much more patient and understanding with each other. Situations that used to be very stressful for us, we are learning how to work through with patience.” – Dale
If you want a fourth option to offer couples in similar situations, please share.
by Autumn Ray
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