Step #5 to Better Intimacy: Resolving Conflicts
One of the greatest roadblocks to intimacy is when partners are in the midst of destructive conflict. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship and marriage. However, conflict is not inherently bad. How we handle it determines if it is destructive or constructive.
Getting past destructive behaviors and replacing them with constructive patterns is scary because it calls on each of us to be vulnerable, honest, and forgiving of our teammate as well as ourselves. Here is a glimpse of the process MarriageTeam coaches facilitate to help couples start resolving conflicts as a team.
Successful conflict resolution requires a shift from “what is best for me” to “what is best for our team.”
- Each teammate identifies the destructive behaviors they use.
- They discuss these destructive behaviors with each other.
- Each chooses two of their teammates’ destructive behaviors that have the biggest impact on them.
- Next, each teammate selects two constructive behaviors (like active listening, accepting our role and apologizing, forgiving each other or praying together) to replace the destructive behaviors.
- Each teammate agrees to replacing the destructive behaviors with the agreed-upon constructive behaviors.
- Finally, each teammate gives the other permission to remind them of their commitment.
I thought compatibility was the most important attribute of a good marriage. A friend (pastor), recently told me that God made marriage partners not to be compatible with one another, but to complete one another.
I now believe that strong compatibility enables a couple to do greater good in life, but a strong commitment is sufficient to complete my spouse through our marriage. It takes three to make a marriage work, and thankfully, our Father is committed.”