The 6 Stages of Change: A Roadmap for Stronger Relationships

The 6 Stages of Change: A Roadmap for Stronger Relationships

Change is a word that can bring up mixed emotions. There are the changes we want to make —those are the good ones. And then there are the changes we feel forced into, the ones that come from outside of us, the tough ones. Change is never easy, even if it’s something we want to do. But today, I want to take a closer look at how coaches can help couples navigate the process of change, so they can make those good, positive changes together.

Coaching and the Stages of Change: Helping Couples through the Journey

Coaching is a powerful tool that helps individuals and couples face challenges, set goals, and make lasting, meaningful changes. To help guide couples through change, it’s important to understand the stages they go through. One of the most well-known models of change was created by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente. Their framework highlights six stages that people typically move through when making changes in their lives. Here’s a quick breakdown of those stages:

1. Precontemplation: Not recognizing the need for change yet.
2. Contemplation: Becoming aware of the need for change but still unsure about it.
3. Preparation: Getting ready to make the change, making plans.
4. Action: Taking concrete steps to make the change happen.
5. Maintenance: Keeping up with the change and making it stick.
6. Relapse: Slipping back into old habits, which is completely normal!

Every stage comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities, and as coaches, we can help couples move through these stages with the right questions and support.

Coaching Through the Stages of Change

Let’s look at how coaching can help couples in each of these stages:

1.  Precontemplation: Not Seeing the Problem

In this stage, individuals might not even recognize that there’s a problem or a need for change. They might even know things are not going well, but they blame someone else and feel no need to change what they are doing. They might be resistant or defensive when change is suggested. Some signs that someone might be in this stage include:

• Denying or justifying their current behaviors.
• Avoiding conversations about change or blaming external factors.
• Showing little interest in exploring new solutions.

Coaching Tip: Some great ways to start a conversation might be:

• “What do you enjoy about your current situation?”
• “How has this been affecting your relationship?”
• “What challenges or frustrations have you noticed?”

2.  Contemplation: Thinking About Change

Here, people start to recognize the problem and consider change, but they may still feel uncertain or fearful about taking that first step. They might weigh the pros and cons, but often don’t act right away.

Signs someone is in this stage:

• They talk about the problem but are hesitant to make a decision.
• They ask questions about what change might look like but aren’t ready to act.
• They express concerns about the possible outcomes.

Coaching Tip: To help them get clearer on their feelings, you might ask:

• “What’s keeping you where you are right now?”
• “If you did decide to make a change, what positives could that bring?”
• “On a scale of 1 to 10, how ready do you feel to take action?”
• “How do you feel about starting this process?”

3.  Preparation: Getting Ready

At this point, individuals or couples are committed to making a change. They start making plans and gathering resources. They are laying the foundation for change, which is exciting!

Signs someone is in this stage:

• They’ve made statements like “I need to do something about this.”
• They start researching or seeking advice.
• They begin setting small, actionable goals.

Coaching Tip: Help them take those first steps:

• “What’s one small thing you can do today to move forward?”
• “Who or what can help support you on this journey?”
• “What barriers might come up, and how can you plan for them?”

4. Action: Making It Happen

This is when people take the plunge! They’re actively implementing their plans and trying out new habits.

Signs someone is in this stage:

• They’re taking concrete steps and following through on their goals.
• They’re open about their progress and challenges.
• They’re more focused and motivated.

Coaching Tip: Keep the momentum going:

• “How are you feeling about the progress you’ve made so far?”
• “What challenges are you running into, and how can they be overcome?”
• “Who can cheer you on and keep you going?”

5. Maintenance: Keeping It Up

Now that the change is in motion, it’s time to keep it going! This stage is about solidifying the new habits and making sure they stick long-term.

Signs someone is in this stage:

• They’ve seen some progress and feel more confident.
• They’re reflecting on how their life has improved.
• They’re looking for ways to keep things steady.

Coaching Tip: Keep them focused on long-term success:

• “What’s been helping you maintain your progress?”
• “How can you handle any situations that might pull you back into old habits?”
• “What new routines or strategies have you found helpful?”

6. Relapse: It Happens

Change isn’t always linear. Sometimes people slip back into old patterns, and that’s perfectly okay. The key is to learn from it and keep going.

Signs someone might be in this slipping back into their owl ways:

• They might feel frustrated or disappointed for slipping back.
• They might question their ability to keep going.
• They’re trying to figure out what led to the setback.

Coaching Tip: Help them bounce back with compassion:

• “What do you think triggered this relapse, and how can we learn from it?”
• “What would you do differently if this happens again?”
• “What support do you need to get back on track?”

Applying the Stages of Change to Marriage Coaching

At MarriageTeam, we often see these stages play out in relationships. One partner might be ready to make a change, while the other is still thinking it over. Coaches help couples align their motivations and move forward together in a way that works for both of them.

A key takeaway from the Stages of Change model is that real change comes from within. External pressure might get short-term results, but long-lasting transformation happens when people are truly motivated to change themselves. As coaches, our role isn’t to push couples but to help them connect with their deeper reasons for change and their vision for a better future.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

The Stages of Change model offers a powerful framework for guiding couples through the ups and downs of making meaningful changes in their lives. By understanding where they are in their journey, coaches can tailor their support to help them achieve lasting, positive transformation. At MarriageTeam, we’re passionate about helping couples grow stronger together, through every stage of the change process.